So today was really stressful. Our cast and crew that are to be sent off to Scotland for the fringe festival just finished possibly our longest rehearsal: around 5 hours. We had a short break somewhere there to eat a supper, and on the way there somehow me and my mother got into a conversation about university. I forget how we got into the subject, but at one point I said that there were probably people there that didn't want to be there. This was apparently surprising to her. She had always thought that it was completely a student's choice. So I told her that some parents would force their kids to go to college. Although I don't think it's very common, I'm pretty sure it does happen. She asked me, "so I can force you to go to university?" I just replied with a simple "if you wanted to...". It's not like she has to, I was planning to do so anyways. Then she said something that troubled my mind for the next good hour until rehearsal got into full swing again. "Well even if I didn't force you, you wouldn't go on your own anyways. So there".
...That hurt. Quite a bit. I did research on multiple places I would like to go to. I've entered for multiple scholarships. If it weren't for the Scotland trip, I'd be working. I've done my best during summer school. I've studied for my diploma tomorrow (I feel quite prepared, if you're wondering). But today, my efforts were all just insulted. Today I found out that my mother does not expect a lot out of me. I feel... Really neglected right now. Somewhat crushed. Like how they tell you to the sky is the limit, when you wanted to be an astronaut.
I remember a story that my father told me a while back. He said that in China, the teachers all told you that you suck. And they hound you on your mistakes and make you feel really bad about yourself. When asked what your dream was for yourself in the future, if it was something big, they would laugh in your face and say that it would never happen. And when the students grow up and achieve their dreams, the teacher would simply say they only insulted their dreams to motivate them to work harder. I can understand tough love, but not to that degree. That's more like deceit for the student's own good. And that's only if the student really does work harder. What if they just simply break down, accepting their teacher's words? Then the "tough love" turns into dream crushing.
So is what my mother saying tough love? I don't think so. That statement wouldn't motivate me to work harder, because I already was going to do what she wanted me to do. It just made me feel bad. Am I going to quit on going to university? Of course not. Am I going to stop doing my best? Nope. However, whatever I do, I now permanently have this thought in the back of my mind: no matter how much I succeed in the next year or so, my mother is not expecting great things. Its a bad thing that she doesn't trust me. But on the other hand its a good opportunity to surprise her. I must admit that my track record of being an average grade student contributes to her mental standing of my potential. However, that doesn't mean that as a parent she can completely give up hope on anything good from her child.
...That hurt. Quite a bit. I did research on multiple places I would like to go to. I've entered for multiple scholarships. If it weren't for the Scotland trip, I'd be working. I've done my best during summer school. I've studied for my diploma tomorrow (I feel quite prepared, if you're wondering). But today, my efforts were all just insulted. Today I found out that my mother does not expect a lot out of me. I feel... Really neglected right now. Somewhat crushed. Like how they tell you to the sky is the limit, when you wanted to be an astronaut.
I remember a story that my father told me a while back. He said that in China, the teachers all told you that you suck. And they hound you on your mistakes and make you feel really bad about yourself. When asked what your dream was for yourself in the future, if it was something big, they would laugh in your face and say that it would never happen. And when the students grow up and achieve their dreams, the teacher would simply say they only insulted their dreams to motivate them to work harder. I can understand tough love, but not to that degree. That's more like deceit for the student's own good. And that's only if the student really does work harder. What if they just simply break down, accepting their teacher's words? Then the "tough love" turns into dream crushing.
So is what my mother saying tough love? I don't think so. That statement wouldn't motivate me to work harder, because I already was going to do what she wanted me to do. It just made me feel bad. Am I going to quit on going to university? Of course not. Am I going to stop doing my best? Nope. However, whatever I do, I now permanently have this thought in the back of my mind: no matter how much I succeed in the next year or so, my mother is not expecting great things. Its a bad thing that she doesn't trust me. But on the other hand its a good opportunity to surprise her. I must admit that my track record of being an average grade student contributes to her mental standing of my potential. However, that doesn't mean that as a parent she can completely give up hope on anything good from her child.
And straying off my point a little, I just had an interesting thought (at least to me). Remember the saying "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"? Well it's (I hope) common knowledge that words really do hurt. But what I never thought of was that sticks and stones only hurt for a couple days, maybe longer if you broke your bones (or maybe they don't hurt at all if you died from it). But words do hurt, and not just for a couple days, but sometimes for a long time. Now if you're insensitive like a couple people I know (you know who you are) then I guess it doesn't matter as much. But what about those people who are... Less so hard hearted?
So they say words never hurt? Bullsh*t. Words stun people, scar them, change their mentalities and attitudes, and makes them rant on blogs that barely anyone reads.... Oh wait.
So they say words never hurt? Bullsh*t. Words stun people, scar them, change their mentalities and attitudes, and makes them rant on blogs that barely anyone reads.... Oh wait.
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