My wonderful and irritating brain

I was recently asked what is the hardest part of composing music.  My first response was "finding a title".  Seriously, for me, it takes waaaaay too much effort.  More than it should, at least.  If I spend 4 days working on a song, I usually spend the same amount of time looking for a title.  My brain just lacks creativity with words.  I suck at poetry.  It usually seems too casual, or awkward in some way.  I rarely have been satisfied at my work titles. 

The other really frustrating thing about composing is getting ideas on paper (or some other way of remembering ideas). I have actually thought of hundreds of musical ideas that would create pieces that last at least 3 minutes long.  They all sound so good on my head!  But as soon as I get to the piano to plunk it out, *poof* it's gone.  I can't retrieve it.  Most of my good ideas go down the drain in less than 30 seconds, and I have no idea how. 

Aaauuurrgh so frustrating!!

Bus ride!

So I'm sitting here on the bus, a little bored.  We just finished watching the Hobbit, which I half watched, and half slept through.  My friend beside me is playing a card game in which I have no interest, and the people on my right are playing matchmaking.  And they look like they are enjoying it waaaaay too much.  I can't lie, I would probably enjoy it too.  And as much as I wanted to say something, it didn't really look like they were interested in including anybody.  I thought a little to myself, "what makes topics like these so interesting?"

It took me a while.  It's matchmaking.  Who wouldn't want to share their opinions on other's compatibilities with another person, and giggle on how good or bad it would be?  I gotta admit, it's actually really fun to mess with or imagine other peoples love lives and discuss it with others.  Its like discussing shipping.  (Google it if you don't know)
Then a different perspective hit me: it's fun to imagine these things.  But what if you actually try to put it in motion?  Is that really okay?  You're manipulating two peoples emotions to satisfy your imagination, it's like playing god (sorta).  So is it really for the better or the worst?  What if its well intended?  What if two people would be really be good for each other, but you as a friend thinks they need a little push?
I happened to be one of those people in a couple that "needed a little push".  So we were given one by a common friend.  But right now, I'm still not really sure whether it was a good idea or not.  We had started the relationship, and the best and worst times of my life occurred.  When it was still going on, I thought it was a really bad thing.  But now, I'm not so sure.  Was my past (and only) relationship a more positive relationship, or a more negative relationship?
So when I heard the people beside me discussing how they can start couples going together (just theories)  I kind of went into a down mode of tuning people out so I could think of an answer. 
I couldn't think of one, so I decides to write this down.  I still don't have an answer.
Why does love have to be such a simple yet complex drama-inducing topic? 

A little piece of wisdom

What are dreams for if they all come true?
Think about it.

My family

So today I was at a youth year end party.  At one point, we started talking about extended family.  I was asked about my family, and I instantly tensed a little.  The closest relatives awe had living to us was just 30 minutes away.  However, we never get together where family normally would, like Christmas, Thanksgiving, or Chinese New Year.  Why?  My parents and my uncle and aunt butt heads.  It kinda started with my little sister.  She was really young, and hadn't really learned manners yet.  One thing was clear: she hated girly things.  Anything pink to her was deadly.  So when my aunt got her pink Dora sandals for her 6th birthday, she made a sour face and refused it.  My aunt, being a little of a penny pincher, didn't like my sister's reaction.  She kind of took it out on my mom.  When they say in-laws don't get along, its definitely true here.  Over the past couple years some nasty emails have flown and I didn't enjoy hearing them one bit.  My grandparents came from Hong Kong  to visit 2 years ago.  Somehow, my parents and my uncle and aunt got in a fight while they where visiting.  My parents didn't like the situation we where in, so my dad did the apologetic gesture of pouring tea for everyone at dinner.  Even after that, we still had tension without even seeing each other.  My parents sent them money as a Christmas gift, knowing that they had low income.  However, our Christmas card from them arrived with the money we just sent them. 
Recently, my uncle invited us to attend his ceremony that promotes him from pastor to reverend.  I have to admit, I didn't have a good time.  I'm happy for him achieving a major milestone in his life, but I didn't like the fact that our two families barely interacted.  All I remembered was a picture, and that's it.  We didn't even sit together.
So why do I hate talking about extended family?  Because the relationships are not good.  It's that awkward relationship in which you aren't flat out hating each other, nor are you on good terms.  It's in the middle, and it hurts me to think about it.  It makes me hate family reunion.

And most our other relatives live in China.  So we don't see our whole extended family a lot.  But why can't we get along with our brothers and sisters that just live a half hour drive away?

A reflective contest

So my CALM teacher made my class sign up for a website where you can search and earn scholarships from.  I entered a contest on it, so I could get the chance of $250.  The question was: "What was your best/worst summer job experience?" or "What would be the best/worst summer job?"

Here's my answer.  

I've only ever had one summer job, and that was working in a medical clinic.  I sat in a room in the back and did electronic paperwork and scanning.  I must admit, it was the most boring work I have ever done.  Period.  I spent countless hours doing the same thing over and over again. However, the pay was good and everyone apparently loved me by the end of the summer, because I had caught them up on 2 month's worth of work that no one wanted to do.  

I don't think that it was the worst job ever.  Why?  Because I was proud of myself for lifting other people in the area up.  Sure, I was bored to death from it, but I still had become a hero without being seen.  That was what made me appreciate my position.

I think the worst jov ever would be a job where you can't appreciate yourself, or yo hate what your doing with no gain.  It's a little pointless to be there if your attitude is in the wrong place!  Your performance (and pay) depends on your work morale!

I you can, go for the best job: a job that you love.  In my case, it would be working at a music store, or a recording studio.  Whatever your passion is, you should pursue it!