1. Yoo mus tok rike dis. No spek engrish well. All "ah" turn to "er". (e.g. instead of "tuba" or "honda" you say "tuber" or "honder".
2. No using your eyes for anything. Use your zen.
3. Despite this, you must still be a terrible driver.
4. Never settle for anything less than an "A".
5. Because you are not a Csian, nor a Bsian. You are an Asian.
6. You cannot use any batteries that are not AA or AAA. When in doubt, go with AAA.
7. Kung Fu for morning exercises. (Can do Tai Chi in groups when senior citizens)
8. Homework first, then play...
six hours of main Asian instrument (violin or piano, your choice)
9. A in Math.
10. A in Physics.
11. A in Chemistry.
12. A in Biology.
13. D or lower in English and Social Studies.
14. Eat everything with chopsticks. That means burgers and hotdogs.
15. That means soup too. Drink soup with chopsticks. Forks are for white people.
16. No flyswatters allowed. Only chopsticks.
17. Should you need to rob a house, be sure to eat all the rice, fix the T.V., upgrade the computer, finish all the math homework available in the house, tune all the available instruments, and utilize all available martial arts equipment. If done right, the owners of the home should still find you trying to back out of the driveway.
18. You must look like every other Asian.
19. Eat cats.
20. Eat dogs too.
21. It's not your fault if the neighbour's pet goes missing.
22. Cannot exceed 170 cm (5'6")
23. Good posture. Unless you're a delinquent. If so, slouch as far as your body will let you.
24. No spending money on makeup. That's a waste of time. If you have time for makeup, you have time for studying.
25. 75% chance your last name is either Lee, Chan, or Wong.
26. Love bubble tea
27. Remember, holidays are a good chance for you to get ahead of the class.
28. When in doubt, become a doctor.
29. No taxis, that's too much money. Just walk.
30. Don't pay full price for anything.
31. Wear slippers around the house.
32. When punishing a child with a spanking, use the slipper.
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