Being a jerk and not applauding.

If you have read enough posts or know me in person, you probably would know that the title of this post is sarcastic.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against the existence of applauses.  If a baby takes it's first steps, applause is appropriate. If an athlete scores a goal or wins a race, applause, whistling, and cheering often occurs. And if a Stormtrooper actually hits a target.... They deserve a standing ovation.  And a cookie.

But for me, whenever I see or hear a performance or message that is special, clapping just ruins it.  Usually the message/sound is powerful, profound, expressive, beautiful, meaningful, and/or produced from the bottom of the heart.  It means a lot to the performer, and their actions are not to be taken lightly.  Your reaction to them after speaking needs delicacy and respect.
When the speaker or performer is done... I feel that clapping disrupts the heavy, respect-demanding air that has been created.  It's just a noise... one tonal noise with a sharp attack and instant decay.  It pierces ears... and slashes the air like a blunt knife cutting through soft, damp wood.  So distracting.  And this noise has to be heard over and over again, until the gorgeous expression of one's soul is dismissed as pieces...
I can never enjoy the silence after a truly great and breathtaking performance.  I wish that I were the only human around to hear it.  I wish that I were the only being to hear it.

Clapping is something more of a celebratory gesture, with a "good job" mentality.  I never want to dismiss great works of depth with a simple "good job", I want to experience all of it; before, during, and after.  But, because of social norms, I'm always cheated the last part (and sometimes the whole thing).
I somehow need to find something else other than clapping to acknowledge performances such as these.  An action that shows my deep sincerity and acknowledgement without being distracting or noisy...  But what would that be?
Whenever I don't applaud, people give me death glares thinking I didn't appreciated the presented music/drama/whateveritmightbe.  I truly did enjoy... I just didn't want to participate in killing it.