So parent teacher interviews happened recently. I had hoped that this year would go smooth considering that I've picked up my marks a little. But I was kinda wrong.
Every year after PTI my parents tell me what my teachers said about me, what I needed to fix, and that they have to nag me too much and so on. I get it, since I have terrible academic work ethics (despite being Asian lol). I'm really lazy. And that is exactly what my biology teacher said as the first thing to my parents this year. That didn't really bug me though since I already knew that since like grade 2. What I didn't like was that at one point of my parent's lecture was that they said "we need you to get this proper work ethic in your head". I completely disagree. I need myself to get a good work ethic. My parents don't need me to get it, they gain the satisfaction and pride of their successful son if I get it. They can go without that. Me on the other hand, if I want to get anywhere that I want to be in life, I have to work hard for it. So it bugged me that my parents said that I need to "get it right for them". I know that by not doing as well as they want me to it compels them to nag me to do better, but that is completely their decision. If they are looking to "end the suffering of playing bad guy", then they could simply stop. But then comes the whole factor of "we can't do that because we love you too much for that." Unfortunately, I am rather stupid in that dialect of the love language. Sorry.
Ugh I'm relly tired right now. I just re-read what I have written so far and it sounds like crap... Oh well. I'm too tired to care and edit it to my satisfaction.
From talking about marks, we transitioned into universities. Pretty much, they restated the obvious: if I want to go to the level I want to be, I need to move out of town to a better program. All the programs where I live are not mediocre, but not great either. Let's say not outstanding. That's a better way of putting it. I haven't applied anywhere yet, because I don't know enough about the university that I'm looking at going to. I get that I need an application in ASAP. But the factor that practically made me want to vent my anger is that my mother talked about another student my age that she knew who had applied to the place she wants to go alread. She is completely a high achiever, with the marks of typical valedictorians. I think it's okay for my mother to mention someone else as an example. But talking about how great they are and why they are great for a while is a bit much. Too much. It's like taunting me and saying, "why can't you be like this person?" I don't like being compared to other people like that, against people in which there seems to be no possible way I can reach the attitude and aptitude displayed, even admired by others.
I think this is where the line between inspiration and defeating self-esteem come in. Inspiration and looking up to people comes from "I want to be like them". A deflation of self-esteem and morales would be "why can't you be like so-and-so?" The latter is a little bit of what I experienced in the lecture metioned above. A little deflating. Actually very deflating. Normally, I'd get pretty upset at this and fight back, causing a really long argument, but that night I was too tired to care.
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